You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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