Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
