Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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