Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize