I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
