Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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