Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
