I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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