my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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