its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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