I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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