did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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