My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
