You can't motorboat a personality
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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