my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
3 2 1 whiskey
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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