everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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