I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
