Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
