"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize