you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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