dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I could fuck to npr.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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