it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
