Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize