so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
