I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
