and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Congratulations! We have a period
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