U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
