Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
