i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
