That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think my moral compass just broke
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
