everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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