He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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