Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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