shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
