haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
