He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
