I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
