i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
