jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
