VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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