I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
