I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
