eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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