Please, let me fuck your mom
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
