We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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