Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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