dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
