Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
