So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
