Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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