remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
