My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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