Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
