Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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