Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
God, I missed his penis.
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