so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
