just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
