life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize