I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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