My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
People in love make me want to vomit
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
