can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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