Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
