smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize