ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize