Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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