hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
