Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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