I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
