soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
