Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
