last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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