I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
