I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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