I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I deserve this hangover.
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