My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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