i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
