dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
