why didn't you poke me back
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize