He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
