thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
