im about as happy as oj after his trial
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
