my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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