Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
