New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You were trust falling into bushes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
