Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
