dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
