Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
