I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
