So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
