Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
