You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
