shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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