Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
