Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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