so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
