Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
