my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
