that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
