End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
