It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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