dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
