I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
