There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
